2020-2021, Poem, Writing

English Growing Up

Featured in the 2021 Spring Issue of Rambunctious

English Growing Up
Connie Zhang, '23

Alloweth me to bid thee a st’ry
Once upon a timeth, in ancient dates,
Wh’re only today’s adults appreciateth,
We starteth the exposition, to showeth his current position.
A young knave nam’d English was b’rn.
That gent influenc’d all ‘round that gent,
hath brought cultures of yest'rday and tom'rrow.
-That gent wast to liveth f'r the et'rnity to cometh
-but liketh all things,
-as that gent hath lived, that gent hath grown

After a little bit of time,
The boy English found a new self.
Never did he use aunty apostrophe,
Nor did he go to get fancy or classy.
He stabilized everything to our ordinary
Little did we know he soon turned to the unnecessary.
He was a slap in our faces! came out of nowhere,
His common lead pronouns joined one in together,
Everything too late, too sudden, too so,
-We’re almost to the climax, he really did grow

They said, YO! wassup dude?
, Everything cool? This kiiiiddd English ain’t bad
He just, used-to-be-a grand lad, now lookee here!
Homie formed a modern self,
The Buddy boy-Bonded, with-a Bunch-of new Bros.
He’s says: “oof,” “bruh,” “yeet,” “AYE!,” “now watch me whip and nae-nae”.
The kid has come of age-, but noooottt in the expected way.
-Now here comes the epilogue, so quickly turn the page,
-We don’t know where he’s going next so brace for it… this way.

His lgaecy still lstas, and it dlenteifiy slitl geos,
Hveeowr now the human mnid, can eevn raed tihs jsut fnie.
Aetfr tkanig oevr the einrte golabl ssteym,
He regneid sprmeue and bcemae waht the oehtrs daerm.
Elngish: ocne a yunog knave, a boy, a hmoie, gerw to be nthinog-
Bedseis aomlst erhtivnyeg.
I tnhik it’s tmie for the rosletuoin, but I don’t tinhk tehre’s a rael sitoulon.
Jsut konw his one lnog hreo’s jeurnoy,
He’s grwon a wolhe lot, but his htsiroy can get burlry.

-Let me now tell you, a fresh new coming story, it’s about our-bzzt bzzt
ding
-You know what, nevermind.

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