It Hasn’t Hit

Featured in 2015 Spring Issue of Rambunctious

By Emily Hauser, ’15

The actual concept of being a senior hasn’t hit me yet. I don’t think it will for a really long time. In less than a year, all my friends including me will be gone, spread out all over, on our own. The crazy thought is so hard to wrap my head around. It won’t hit me the first day that I park my car in the senior lot, on the first day of senior year. It won’t hit me when I am standing on those red bleachers at my last J-D homecoming game. It won’t hit me when I’m dancing with my six best friends that I grew up with. It won’t hit me when I’m playing in my last soccer game, or at senior night, when finally all the attention is put onto us, the ten graduating seniors. It won’t hit me when I am scrambling to find a dress for my last senior ball, or a date for that matter. It won’t hit me when I’m walking into school late or leaving school early. It won’t hit me when I’m walking in the Halloween parade in front of the whole school, or when I attend my last pep rally. It won’t hit me when I’m sitting at Tully’s with my whole grade for the last time, after one of the basketball games. It won’t hit me when I’m at a party and realize we are the oldest ones there, no upperclassmen. It won’t hit me when I’m trying to write my college essays. It won’t hit me when I’m struggling to improve my ACT and SAT scores. It won’t hit me when I’m pulling a senior prank on the school; along with the other 150 kids I call my family. It won’t hit when summer rolls around, and I begin to receive a million invitations to graduation parties. It won’t even hit me when I’m standing up on the stage at the civic center, and wearing a cap and gown. It won’t hit me when I hear my name being called, and I grab my diploma. It won’t hit me walking into every one of my best friend’s yard, to eat food and say congratulations. It won’t hit me when I commit to a school. It won’t hit me when I pick between St. John Fisher, Cortland, Oswego, and Fredonia. It won’t hit me when I have my whole family giving me congratulation cards with money. It won’t hit me when I’m walking through Target buying furniture for my dorm room. It won’t seem real when I get my workout schedule in the mail, for D3 soccer. It won’t hit me when I’m driving off to college, with everything in the trunk, and my sisters sitting right there, in the back seat with me. It might start to hit when we are unpacking the car, and moving me into an empty dorm room. Maybe when I am kissing my parents goodbye, and possibly starting to tear up. It will hit me when they have left, and I am sitting on my dorm room bed, across the room from a complete stranger. Senior year and the rest of my “childhood” is going to fly by. I need to remember that the time is now. I need to make as many memories as possible, do as many things as I can. I need to say “I love you” as much as I can, and do many crazy things before that day I move in. I need to remember that everything is going to change, whether I like it or not. It is going to happen, really soon. I need to be ready.

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