2015-2016, Poem

unwanted gifts

Featured in the 2016 Spring Issue of Rambunctious

unwanted gifts
Shiloh Joyner, 16

my mother
gave me form
gave me breath
gave me sight
gave me beauty and song and the terrible
gift of feeling.
gave me this world in which i
have no place.
gave me all these gifts
that can only harm me
can only suffocate
can only wither in my grasp
can only turn my heart
starved, chalky.
thrust me into a place i have no business
walking in
wrapped around me this skin
sewed me up inside of it
left me in the dark insides.
now i dream of
crows and wolves
ripping me apart
teeth and beak tearing flesh
smiling, laughing,
polite conversation turning nasty
myself, holding my innards close to me
stomach ripped open
seeing myself through the eyes of the beasts
in my fever dreams i become the crow
and the wolf
tearing through my own skin,
down to muscle
cracking bones until
nothing of me remains

when i wake will you 
throw what's left of me
into the waves